An Appraisal

 30 December 2019

Quite out of the ordinary this year started off quite pensive for me. It did not have the usual euphoria that one ordinarily is accustomed to when starting a new year. For whatever reason, all my signals painted 2019 to be a trial and tribulation type of year. Basically, I would really have to seek God like I have never done before - there was certainly more praying and fasting. I remember a common thread of my prayers to God was along the lines of seeking Him more, seeking His Wisdom, Grace and Mercy and for Him to show me the secrets of my life.

A memory that comes to mind now is a small event of how this year commenced: for years, I was extremely bothered and stressed about the disorder that was my finances. Small secret, I carried a rather horrendous credit record and this really frustrated and angered me for a long time. Mid Jan of 2019 a small voice (like a thief in the night) and the general sensibilities that define a person of my profession said I should just go to Checkers and do a print out of my credit report (Checkers because it is linked to all three major credit bureau's in South Africa) and get a flavour of what is going on in this space. Lo and Behold, what was a red below-the-line debt position I previously had was all of a sudden in the green! I finally regained my name back and it was no longer something that was held hostage in the databases of credit bureau's. I was completely relieved and I felt a weight just came off my shoulders.

Why the testimony? I believe that God, being the one who created me and formed all the parts within me and knows my emotional capacity knew that if this matter persisted in this year, it would have been the one thing to tip me over. Since He has given me big assignments to focus on, I could not afford to have this as a major distraction in my life. So like a speck of dust, he immediately removed this from my reality to allow me more capacity to,  with great circumspection, zero in on the issues at hand. And there were plenty, but to summarise, there was a problem around what will be called a buffeting spirit. Ill explain further on.

First, we have to understand that God has created in incredible vision and story for our lives. It is a story in which He has such beautiful and audacious plans for our lives which are celebrated and purposed in the corridors of heaven. Angels stand at command ready to do the will of God to bring all this to fruition. I really for the first time literally understood that portion of the Lords prayer… “Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven”. I was actually blown away when this hit me. It is not Gods plan that we should be in so much strife, contention and losing because that is not His story for us. It is however someones plans and ambitions...

We know that two opposing kingdoms are operating in a completely opposite manner, because the prince of this earth, satan and his army are diametrically against this will of God over our lives. I began to understand Warfare a very intimate way. The feeling of unease that overcame me in the earlier parts of this year became illuminated. In this illumination, I kept on revisiting a certain book in the bible - the Book of Daniel. This is really a fascinating story which is multilayered but for purposes of this post, I will zero in on a couple of themes eg. Gods sovereignty, Gods patience and Gods help.

The parts I will focus on is set out from chapters 7-10 which to summarise; Daniel had received visions/dreams directly from God in his sleep which basically revealed what was to become of Babylon and the far reaching impact this would have on Gods kingdom. This whole dream significantly shook Daniel so much that it pushed him to his knees to pray. One will even say he travailed. For 21 days straight He sought answers and revelation from God. His travailing prayers created an urgent response from heaven that God sent not one but two of his ARCH angels to give a response. See below:

“Then he said to me, “Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart to understand, and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me twenty-one days; and behold, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I had been left alone there with the kings of Persia. Now I have come to make you understand what will happen to your people in the latter days, for the vision refers to many days yet to come.” Daniel 10:12-14 NKJV

The more I reflected on this, the more it became clear that we have an enemy that is only interested in destabilising the plans and dreams and visions that God has placed in our hearts. This enemy is sometimes so strong and intentional that it took 21 days, two arch angels for Gods answers to reach Daniel - notwithstanding the fact that God was already ready with an answer for Daniel the FIRST day he prayed his prayer to God! Wow!

So,  in all of this I continually sought the Lord to guide me and show me the way that should go. What became clear was that God required me to watch and pray. Thats all. This would assist in the preparation of everything that God has purposed for my life as we enter a new decade. I understood again, why I was so pensive at the commencement of the year, because really this year proved to be a year where I felt tossed and turned in deep waters, just when I thought I was safe and calm more stormy weather occurred which for the most part had me utterly confused.

It became a space and time to see the movement of my enemy at work against me to deceive and frustrate Heaven’s plans. So the main theme of my prayers shifted to God giving a spirit of discernment and wisdom and for Him to show the secret and hidden things and to hear and discern the voice of God over my life/environment in greater definition as well as to discern the movement of the enemy against my life to therefore topple its plans before they arise! As Jesus said, “Blessed are the eyes which see what you see!” (Luke 10:23).

So, what have I seen? I mentioned the buffeting spirit - have a look at this scripture:

“And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. “II Corinthians 12: 7-10 NKJV

Buffeting simply means the action of striking someone or something repeatedly and violently. We off course know that Paul was of the most prolific writers and the Good Book and that his writings account for I believe 2/3rds of the New Testament. The assignment he received from God was so powerful. It dawned on me this year that satan is actually fully aware and well appraised of Gods plans and purpose for our lives. And that is why Paul went through THE MOST, shame. He encountered this buffeting spirit that attacked him at every turn. I would like to believe it was accompanied by familiar/monitoring spirits to try and land a knock out punch on Paul. But he didn’t cave and managed to complete his assignment which forms the very tenets of that which believe today. It would have been a great waste if Paul did not overcome all this hindering activity.

So with all these things that created anxiety for me, I needed to take the blinkers off my eyes because it's clear; how you see things will determine how you move forward. Paul could have just thrown in the towel and reverted back to his former life as Saul where he feared and revered. He did no such thing and instead chose to see it this way - “I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Really, we should take a view of our lives through the lenses of Gods eyes. Attacks will come, that's inevitable. But, don't worry, be of good cheer, come in the full volume of the book as it is written about you. That is what 2019 taught me.

God gives Grace and Mercy.

Ntswa